Wednesday, October 24, 2012

Sweet You

I've posted about sewing the last few days, but the truth is I have not really been thinking much about sewing.

I have been thinking about you, sweet reader, you.Your heart before God, and if I am truly taking you before the throne of God or if I am making you sin somehow.

I've been thinking about where you might be, how you may view me as a blogger or friend, and how much I lack when it comes to standing up for Truth.

I love sewing and blogging, but it can easily turn into something where I forget God, where I'm just showing you what I've made in my flesh and often times me not aiming to truly reflect His glory.

I don't want this though. I don't want you to see that side of me and think that's all there is, that's all of me.

There is more, oh so much more. And more than anything I want you to experience that more, better than more, on this blog than seeing the latest designer sewing pattern, and the way I made it fit me, or who's fabric I sewed with, and me modeling that all in some glamorous, laughable way.

It's hard for me to write these words. It's hard for me to dig deep and try and figure out how to be this real with you right here. I honestly don't know how. I know how to put together a sewing post. I know how to talk about sewing. I don't know how to address our hearts. I can ignore those. I can pretend it's not important. But that does us no good.

Before I opened up this new post, I pulled out my Bible and read some of God's truth, and it came alive when I read,

"Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:3-4)

And I really thought, Lord, how I so fail at trying to count you more significant than myself. But, I want to. I want to know how. I want to figure it out by the grace of God. I want to be real here, realer than real.

If you want a sewing blog that posts only about sewing and represents some fake blissful aspect of life, there are plenty of those to go on to click to. I don't want you to find that here, because in the scheme of eternity your heart, your hurting, starving for truth heart, is more important than anything else, more important than the garment of clothing I just sewed.

"(Jesus) who, though he was in the form of God, did NOT count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Therefore, God has bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father." (Phil. 2:6 - 11)

That's what it's all about. All of this around you. Our messy lives. It's about Jesus and that he is King. His name is above every name and at his name every knee should bow and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Today, in this moment, that's what this life is about. Jesus.

I have to remember this. Help you to remember this, because I am you.

I am the girl that looks at pretty picture, after pretty picture. I am the one that compares my ugly laundry room to the pretty ones on Pinterest. I am the one that sees what you are wearing and then looks at my own closet and realizes mine looks frumpy. I am the one that sees how you fix your wavy beach hair and realize that mine has been in a pony tail for the last month.

I am the mama that spends too much time on the computer. I am the mama that doesn't know how to play. I am the mama that needs more time with Jesus. I am the wife that forgets to pack my husband's lunch and often realizes we've been up for 2 hours and I haven't even really fixed my child breakfast yet, because I've been blogging and my child's been watching tv.

I surrender these things to Jesus. I give him all of me. My flesh screams NO! don't give those things up, but my Spirit says YES! Give them to Jesus! Let him take them, make them new, teach me how to make them right.

It's hard admitting these ugly things. So often I aim to make things pretty.

I just want to be open with you, so that you can see that life is not always peachy on this side of things all the time. I want you to see that my heart hurts for the poor. For the lost. For the ones in need of Jesus. For you. For the part of my flesh that doesn't want to change.

So, I will try to be different here on this average sewing blog, because Jesus has made me different and I should not be silent about it.