Learning that there is a time and place and season for everything under the sun is hard. Learning you can't do it all that you wish you could is harder. Lower your expectations and feeling like you are constantly just surviving is rough. Finding that grace to wallow in doesn't come easy.
I am exactly 4 days shy of it being an exact month since I last wrote a post here. My messy, beautiful life has been so exhausting. I find myself unable to even think about blogging, instead collapsing into my bed each evening nauseated and fatigued beyond belief.
Transitioning to having 2 children.
Figuring out fostering.
Being Pregnant and in the 1st so nauseating trimester.
Starting a new job that is stretching me and growing me in all the right ways.
Keeping up with our growing family!
I've realized this season of life, these little years with babies, with fostering, with a 3 year old, being pregnant, teaching, just isn't easy and my energy doesn't seem to match the demands needed.
I've been silent on this blog, because real life has been MORE than enough to keep up with. I'm okay with this fact. I've loosened those expectations. There are more than a gazillion blogs you can read, you really don't need mine! (How's that for promoting your blog! HA!)
The black hole of the first trimester is almost behind me! I am 12 weeks and I think I can feel myself digging out! I'm praying to the Lord that the 2nd will be a time of relief, some sunshine, and a sense of calm? I can pray for it anyway!
While everything seems hard, and there are days like today where I have to leave the house to get away from it all, drink a little starbucks, read my Mars Hill devo, and buy a new pair of flats just because... I know I am so very blessed.
I have everything.
And even though, I grudgingly and grumbling, walked into church this morning and I fought all day with the current demands I have from the Lord.
At the end of the day, he just wants me to Come to Him and be. He wants me to pour my tired, exhausted mama heart out to him, and know that I have to surrender it all back to Him. I can't do it on my own. I have to come to Him and love Him and seek Him, even when I don't want to, because He is good and merciful, and He will renew my Spirit, yours!
Like this song, which ministers to my heart each time I hear it. I pray it will minister to yours as well.